This post is the second in a series of “Top 5” posts, in which I share my best tips and most important practices for developing the energy, mindset and well-being to accomplish what we want to accomplish and live with no regrets. We get one chance to live this life. Let’s make it the grandest life we are capable of living!
In the last couple years, I have become increasingly aware of the critical importance of mindset in helping me move through life with more power, clear purpose and grateful joy. Our mindset consists of the established beliefs and attitudes we have toward life. One of the mantras I have used for years acknowledges the strength of mindset in our lives, even though I don’t use that word in it:
“My thoughts shape my perception, determine my actions and behavior and create the life I envision.”
This is a mantra I developed, based on inspiration from writing and quotes that had resonated with me. This mantra has meant so much to me. It has helped calm and center me. It has brought me peace. It has strengthened me. Even before I recognized it as a statement of the power of mindset, the mantra served to shape mine.
In her terrific book The Upside of Stress: Why Stress is Good for You and How to Get Good at It, Kelly McGonigal teaches the concept of “mindset interventions.” She says that the best mindset interventions involve being exposed to a new way of thinking, engaging in practice and application of the different way of thinking and teaching others the new perspective. Her whole book was a form of mindset intervention of this life-changing concept: “A meaningful life is a stressful life.” This idea and the mindset intervention her book produced helped me realize that most of the stress in life comes from things that have meaning to us, with work and family being top. To eliminate all stress would be to eliminate all meaning. The key is to look at stress differently and realize that we can choose to grow through it, as well as to observe it, without getting completely sucked in by it. While this is easier said than done, viewing stress this way is much more helpful and empowering than viewing myself as a helpless victim of it. This is an example of the power of mindset.
Here are my top five tips for cultivating a mindset that positions you to accomplish the things that matter, so that you can live free of regrets:
I have become increasingly clear that my mindset is critical to my success or failure, when it comes to bringing big dreams to life and achieving goals that matter to me—the things that I will regret if I don’t do. Big dreams and goals can be intimidating, and they require digging deep into the reserves of our determination, resolve and resilience. Getting to, or repeatedly returning to, the mental and emotional place necessary to accept the challenges to make these things happen won’t occur without a mindset of self-efficacy and trust—in ourselves, in the Universe, in the basic goodness of life.
- Adopt a mantra. This can be a word, a phrase or a sentence that you devise, or it can be a quote that is meaningful for you. I use a combination, and I vary them regularly. There are some, like the one above, that are tried and true and that I use at some point (or at several points) just about every day. Others may be with me for a moment, a day or a season of life. Words are very meaningful and powerful for me. I have a collection of quotes that I have been growing for 18 years. I am on my sixth formerly blank book, with pages covered, front and back, in quotes I have collected from a wide range of sources. I find a lot of them in the books I read. I sometimes record them from webinars or podcasts. Sometimes an individual or a sign or a t-shirt strikes me, and I write down the quote. Some of my quotes are from well-known thought leaders. Others are from more obscure authors. Some are my own creations or words that come to me in a dream or upon awakening. I refer to my quotes several times, every single day. I travel with my current book, so that I have at least some of them with me, even when I am Biking Across Kansas. These quotes are my most sacred texts. You may find your mantras in more traditional sacred books or in prayers. You may have one, or you may rely on many, like I do, but I encourage you to adopt a mantra as a centering mechanism, something that can help you to return to the mindset you desire to embrace and embody. Personally, I like to focus on a mantra at transitions—upon awakening, before exercising, before getting in the shower, before driving, when I turn off my booklight to go to bed, etc. When I choose a mantra (usually at semi-random) before a bike ride or drive or shower—some time when I can think—I may ponder it deeply for several minutes or longer. Other times, it may just provide momentary focus that helps me remember what matters to me. Either way, reflecting on a mantra is one of the most valuable tools for cultivating a mindset that allows me to behave in the way I want to behave and stay focused on achieving my goals.
- Meditate. There are many ways to meditate, and I used to believe that I couldn’t do it. However, for well over a year a now, I have had a consistent morning mindfulness practice that includes meditation. My advice is to keep it manageable. Realize that anything is progress. Generally, my morning meditation is between five and 20 minutes, depending on the available time. At its most basic level, meditation is simply stilling your mind to be in the present moment. It is as simple as:
- Sitting or lying comfortably with a fairly straight spine. You don’t need to be cross-legged, on a meditation cushion; you just need to be comfortable.
- Closing your eyes or gazing gently at the floor in front of you.
- Focusing on your breathing. I usually focus on the feeling of the air as it moves in and out of my nostrils.
- If your mind wanders (and it will), simply notice and return your attention to your breath. I took a mindfulness course last fall, and one of the most helpful ideas I gleaned from it was to imagine sitting by a stream and to picture my thoughts as falling leaves. When I become aware of a thought, I watch it land on the water and simply float downstream. I use that technique to return to my breath.
- Implement rituals. Rituals are key for maintaining a beneficial mindset. These tips I am listing are not mutually exclusive. This is because, while each of these ideas is effective on its own, there is synergy when they are put together or used throughout the day. My rituals often reflect this. Rituals help me to feel that all is right with the world. They remind me of what matters, what I want to accomplish and how I want to behave. Here are some of the rituals I use daily:
- Finding my mantras and/or quotes for reflection
- Upon awakening, naming three things to which I am looking forward in the upcoming day
- My morning mindfulness practice
- Breathing exercises when stressed and before I eat
- Journaling nightly, including my “3 Good Things” journaling (I also do this mentally throughout the day, if I am feeling stressed, asking myself, “What are three good things that have happened so far today?)
- A bedtime series of fascial release movements
- Follow thinkers who inspire you. Read books by authors whose message supports your mission. Listen to podcasts. Listen to audiobooks. Watch videos. If possible, attend conferences, workshops or lectures. Any of these can serve as a booster shot for your resolve. Some of the current thought leaders whom I use to support my desired mindset are:
- Cultivate gratitude. My “3 Good Things” ritual is one of the ways I cultivate gratitude, but I have found that intentionally looking for the positive gives us so many more things for which to be grateful. Colleen Patrick-Goudreau says, “I heard someone say once that all our life experiences are either lessons or gifts—that we either learn from our daily experiences or they are simply blessings to be treasured and appreciated. I like that. It means that every moment is an opportunity to grow or to be grateful (or both!).” This perspective is an excellent example of maintaining a winning mindset by using gratitude. I consciously notice and feel awe throughout the day for my countless blessings. Doing this instantly shifts my mindset back to a more helpful place, if it has started to stray.
Try these five suggestions for cultivating a mindset to set yourself up for living with no regrets. It is not a one-and-done endeavor. I find that it takes daily attention, but each dose of mindset intervention, using the things I list above, takes me farther down the road in the direction of my big dreams, even if the steps (or pedal strokes) are slow and plodding at times.
If you would like help cultivating the mindset you need to live the way you want to live and to help ensure that you are living with no regrets, schedule a complimentary call, using this link.
“How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us, and keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and do what really matters.” –Stephen R Covey